I have a love-hate relationship with writing. I loved doing it when I was younger and didn’t care so much about people’s judgement about what I had to say. It was something I was proud to know how to do and it made me feel special. Not a lot of people around me had the time or energy to pick up a pen and write about their feelings and experiences. But in the process of growing up, I found myself becoming those people. Not just because I lacked time and mental energy, but because I became afraid of my own thoughts.
Being afraid of your own feelings is a lonely experience. You stop trusting yourself because you’re less sure about what you want and what you have to say. I would beat my wandering mind back into a cage of thoughts centered around hating school and running track. I stopped thinking about things that went beyond what was physically in my face. I stopped trying to understand myself and this world. I don’t want to be like that anymore.
As much as I loved and still love writing, I’ve become scared and fearful about what it will reveal about myself and who I’ve become. It makes me feel vulnerable to put feelings into a physical space where other people have the chance to find it. But I believe in its power to rehabilitate my mind and my ability to process the world in a deep and meaningful way.
I made this blog to work through my thoughts, feelings, and experiences. I wanted a place to talk about the things that matter to me. These things could be my favorite ice cream, why I don’t cry, or the many different ways I can trust people. So look around, don’t judge too hard, and enjoy !