People are hard to deal with. That’s a fact that everyone realizes at some point in their lives. Although we’re similar in many fundamental ways, our humanity generates an infinite number of manners in which we differentiate ourselves from the person next to us. This is usually a great thing because life would be real boring if everyone behaved in the same ways. On the other hand, it takes a crap ton of energy to deal with people who don’t see things the way you do. I’m usually nice but, at the end of the day, I need a space where I could talk to myself out loud. I need a place where I can be without being wrapped up in what the world requires me to be.
I am an introvert in every sense of the word. I function best when I can focus my energy on reflection and contemplation. I enjoy solo activities that avoid the “world gaze”; reading in my room, watching a show on Netflix, reorganizing my room. Social situations are fun but draining when I have to confront them by myself. Talking to strangers feels like hanging my journal notes on a billboard in Time square; risky and uncalled for. Age has made me more comfortable with social interaction but I’ve realized that I’ve fooled myself into thinking I could be the social being that everyone expects me to be.
I thought I could be normal. I thought that I wanted change; that by forcing myself outside of my comfort zone I would suddenly overcome my desire to be alone. After bypassing every opportunity to live in a single dorm for college, I accepted a roommate and moved to a new city to live with a new person. What could go wrong ? Not everything, but a lot has.